Guys today have a lot of tools at their disposal to attract the ladies. "Tool" being the operative word, because the tool hitting on you at the bar is trying to get you to sit on his tool later that night. Anyway, the instrument he chooses to woo you with might be a drink, or if you're into the sugar daddy thing, it might be his gold watch or a brand new iPhone 5000GS (or whatever it's going to be tomorrow).
Imagine for a minute that this wooing device is actually a dead leaf and the human tool sitting there trying to get your attention is ripping the leaf into strips, letting them fall to the floor while he stares at you. Creepy, huh? Now imagine the dude without his pants on, sitting at the bar with his legs wide open... and what's that... yes, a giant erection! Sexy, huh?
Well, if you can't appreciate it, the chimpanzee female certainly can. That's what those crazy primate kids do before getting in on! In fact, unlike your hypothetical reaction of running away while poking your eyes out, your chimpanzee counterpart would mull over the offer before deciding to "approach and present her back side."
As John Tierney from the New York Times writes: “He’s using a portable object to obtain a goal. In this case, the goal is not food but mating. Put that way, you might see this chimp as the equivalent of a human (wearing pants, one hopes) trying to attract women by driving around with a car thumping out 120-decibel music. But until researchers are able to find a woman who admits to being anything other than annoyed by guys in boom cars, these human tools must be considered evolutionary dead ends."
You hear that, douches? Your loud unz-unz-unz music is like the unsuccessful version of shredding leaves. Even scientists don't believe that you will get laid that way.
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